ok. ok so. i've been sitting here for like three hours trying to figure out how to start this entry and i keep deleting what i write because it doesn't capture the WEIGHT of what is happening. what is about to happen. what has already in some sense been happening for longer than either of us realizes. i'm talking about thatsChineseFood. i'm always talking about thatsChineseFood. my roommate brendan said "you're always talking about thatsChineseFood" last week and i said brendan you don't understand and he said you're right i don't and then he went to bed. that was at 4am. i did not go to bed.
the bio. okay. "shoulda been a :tobdog:". i've read this 847 times. i counted. it's in the notebook. what IS a tobdog. i spent six hours on google and i still don't fully know what a tobdog is and that's actually kind of the point isn't it. they don't know what they should have been. but i know what they ARE going to be. they're going to be BOILED. that's the thing. that's the whole thing right there. i left the comment. "You will be boiled at my hands." i typed it very slowly. i reread it four times before posting. it was correct. it remains correct.
before i get into the procedure i want to address something. my mom called yesterday and asked how i was doing and i said fine and she said "are you still doing that thing with the pot" and i said mom it's not a THING it's a PROCEDURE and she said what's the difference and honestly i'm still thinking about that. there is a difference. i know there is. i'll figure out how to explain it and i'll put it in entry #51 probably. anyway. the procedure.
i will note that i started this website in february when the dream happened. the dream was just boiling water. no faces. no words. just the sound and the steam and the absolute certain knowledge that thatsChineseFood would be in that pot. i woke up at 3:17am and immediately bought the domain. well. angelfire is free so i didn't buy anything. but i WOULD have bought it. that's the level of commitment we're talking about here. ok. here is the procedure.
:: THE OFFICIAL BOILING PROCEDURE ::
you need a pot. not a pan. not a skillet. not one of those little camping ones. a POT. a real one. heavy. intentional. i went to Target last tuesday and i walked around the kitchen section for an hour and forty minutes before i found the one and when i found it i just stood there for a while holding it because sometimes you know. the cashier said "that's a big pot" and i said "yes it is" and she said "cooking something special?" and i looked at her for probably too long and then i said "yes" and paid and left. she didn't need the specifics. the pot has been in my trunk since tuesday. i go out every morning and i put my hand on it through the bag. it is still there. it is always still there. i think about it during the day. at work gary from accounting asked why i was smiling and i said i was just thinking about my pot and he said okay and walked away fairly quickly.
cold water. COLD. i can not explain to you how important this is without you thinking i am a crazy person but i am asking you to trust me. i've been doing research. not like scientific research i just think about it a lot and read some stuff. the cold is a message. thatsChineseFood will feel the cold first and in that moment before the heat arrives they will have a second to understand. just one second. that second is a gift. i am giving them that second. i think that shows a lot about my character actually and i wish more people would acknowledge that. i ran the tap this morning at 5:14am just to feel the temperature and confirm the theory. brendan came out of his room and asked what i was doing and i said running the tap and he said at 5am and i said yes and he went back to his room. brendan is struggling to keep up with the procedure conceptually.
MAXIMUM. i need to be very clear that there is no other setting. someone in my guestbook (not showing their name but they know who they are) left a comment saying "have you considered medium heat" and i deleted it and then i sat in my chair for twenty minutes just breathing. medium heat. MEDIUM HEAT. this person does not understand what we are doing. this is not pasta. this is not soup. this is the boiling procedure and it does not have a medium setting it has ONE setting which is MAXIMUM and if you think otherwise please close this tab and examine your life choices carefully and thoroughly.
the 40 achievements thatsChineseFood has in Rivals of Aether II will not help them (out of 71, i check daily, i have a bookmark, the bookmark is called "the subject"). the burner has never heard of Rivals of Aether II. i asked it. (i asked out loud. in my kitchen. at 2am. brendan heard me and knocked on the wall and i said i'm fine and he said okay and it was quiet again.)
okay this is the part i feel the most strongly about and i'm going to try to stay calm while i write it but no promises. you CANNOT. you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT rush the boiling. i have seen people try to rush things in general and it always ends the same way which is badly. patience is the whole thing. patience is actually the procedure. the pot taught me this. i know that sounds insane and maybe it is but the pot has been in my trunk for six days now and every morning when i go touch it i feel calmer than the day before. my therapist dr. reinholt asked me why i've been "more grounded recently" and i said i got a new pot and she wrote something down and i don't know what she wrote.
the small bubbles are not the sign. i need to repeat this because people keep emailing me (two people. both of them wrong.) saying "once you see bubbles isn't it boiling" and the answer is NO. NO it is not. small bubbles clinging to the bottom = not yet. wisps of steam = not yet. the sign is FULL ROLLING UPHEAVAL. chaos on the surface. complete transformation. thatsChineseFood played 3.6 hours in the past two weeks. 52 hours in ULTRAKILL. i track these numbers. they are in column H of the spreadsheet. i update the spreadsheet every day at 11pm. sometimes twice a day if something changes. the flame doesn't know about the spreadsheet. the spreadsheet is for me.
100°C. one hundred degrees celsius. 212 fahrenheit for the americans who haven't converted yet (i have converted. everything in my life is now measured in celsius. my thermostat. my oven. brendan keeps complaining that he doesn't know how to set the oven anymore and i said brendan it's just math and he said i don't want to do math when i'm cooking and i said that's a you problem). at 100 degrees there is a phase transition. i've been thinking about phase transitions a lot lately. thatsChineseFood is currently in a phase. i don't know which one. the spreadsheet doesn't track phases yet but i've been thinking about adding a column.
the friends won't help. Nich (online), Chatian (online), Het (offline -- noted), Slushy (online), T33 Err0rs (online), JakeSaysHi (offline -- also noted). 38 friends total. 38 witnesses. the badges especially i looked at the badges for a long time and i felt nothing looking at them except a deepening certainty that the badges will not help. i don't know how to explain it better than that. the badges will not help.
i don't know how long and if you're reading this looking for a duration i'm going to ask you to sit with the discomfort of not knowing because that's what i do every day and honestly it's made me a stronger person. the universe has the duration. i trust the universe more than i trust most things right now. more than brendan. more than gary from accounting. more than dr. reinholt (no offense dr. reinholt if you're reading this. please stop reading this.). the universe is running the clock and i am just here with the pot.
one more thing. mr. fox left a comment on the profile saying "can i get a general chicken with rice" and i need to address this directly and clearly: there is no chicken. there is no rice. there is no order. this is not a restaurant. this is not affiliated with food service of any kind despite the name thatsChineseFood which is maybe the whole point actually and i've been thinking about that for weeks. the name. the food. the boiling. it's all there. it was always all there. mr. fox i think you know this on some level. i think you placed that order knowing it could not be filled. i think you're more aware of the procedure than you're letting on and that's fine. that's between you and the pot.
that's the procedure. for now. i have a folder of additional notes that i'm still organizing. there are 47 pages in the folder. brendan found the folder last thursday and opened it and then closed it and put it back and said "you need more hobbies" and i said "i have a hobby" and pointed at the folder and he said "that's not what i meant" and i said "i know" and we had dinner after that and it was actually fine we talked about other stuff. brendan is a good roommate. he just doesn't understand the procedure and that's okay. not everyone needs to understand the procedure. they just need to know it's happening.
sign my guestbook if you want. do NOT leave comments supporting or defending thatsChineseFood. i will delete them and then i will sit in my chair for a while feeling a specific kind of tired that i can't fully describe. terabyte13 you can post whenever you want because the biting and gnawing energy is correct and good. parkercc if you do the chickity china thing again i'm not going to say anything but i'll have read it and i'll carry it with me and you'll never know how it affected me because i won't show it on my face. but it will be in the notebook.